Bollywood Quarterly – Jan – Mar 2015

Golly gosh, is it that time of the year already? This quarter has been so dull that were it not for a reminder on my iPhone, I would have forgotten that the first three months of 2015 had passed. On the film front, it was pretty lacklustre IMO – I couldn’t be bothered with Baby and skipped Dolly Ki Doli altogether. I also missed Shamitabh as I was cheating on Hindi cinema with Oscar bait movies whilst films I actually did want to see like Alone, Dum Laga Ke Haisha and NH10 didn’t reach the wintry shores of dear ol’ Blighty.

I did however catch Badlapur which was a slick reinvention of the old revenge films of yore and raised more uncomfortable questions than it answered. Still, Varun Dhawan took a risk with this role and it turned out for the best for him. With all the 90’s revival going on, the villain as a hero a la Shah Rukh Khan in Baazigar, Darr and Anjaam is back and this time, he has no conscience!

Films You Need To See

Shamitabh – Amitabh. Dhanush. Balki. Do you need any more reasons??? Plus I need to watch it.

Badlapur – Is Raghu justified in his revenge or does he just make things worse? Watch and make your own mind up. See my review here.

Dum Laga Ke Haisha – Because I need to see it.

NH10 – See above.

Real Trade Pundits of Bandra

2014 was a tough year in the world of Hindi film box office trade punditry. An ALL TIME DISASTER some might say.

But 2015 is about to change all that – our man is back!!!

Damn right bitches and in his COMPLEX!!!!!

I mean does this not warm your heart reading this?

HIGHEST GROSSER EVER.

But hang on a second, why is Nene Leakes commenting on everything Taz says?

Like, when would these two EVER be in the same room?

Did Nene accidentally swipe right on Tinder? Has Taz got a bro who hooks him up at Tinder HQ?

Oh, wait that’s right – this is one of those Hollywood/Bollywood mashups:

REAL TRADE PUNDITS OF BANDRA

And may I say Best. Show. Ever. Chalta rahey.

Thanks to my wannabe Gossip Girl aspirations,  here is an excerpt from the pilot episode exclusively for y’all:

Episode 1 – From SoBe to SoBa

Tevar released all over India in January 2015.

Taz was on it girl. Chucking his Gucci clutch in the front seat, he drove to the multiplex in a body con dress suit boot, chandelier earrings Bluetooth headset  and a fly weave toupee Taz tastic hair do.

But Nene didn’t agree. She caught a preview DVD of Tevar and told all to her BFF – the camera.

Producer: Why don’t you want to see Tevar Nene?

Dang.

Next up came the release of Baby which whipped easily misled types of people into a frenzy.

Meanwhile, Taz got invited to the press screening. Nene didn’t. #shadealert

The producers also sent Taz box of cookie flavoured jellabis a reserved but NOT CONFIRMED third class bay on the Baby bandwagon along with assorted media whores personalities.

Meanwhile, Nene gave up and went to the mall because this was all so ratchet to her.

Nene tells it like it is.
Nene tells it like it is.

Meanwhile, OMG guys,Taz had, like, so much fun at the screening, like.

And then fired off a WhatsApp missive to Nene on the way home:

Baby, you gotta see Baby! It doesn’t have that Justin Bieber song in it tho!Taz,xX.

Nene saw the message and was all like:

Like is he for reals?”

The trade pundit circle is no sisterhood but Nene can tell Taz is only fronting because he was getting swag for free.

Usually, Nene would be like:

But then she had other stuff to do which is not Bollywood related so fortunatelyTaz’s weave remained intact.

Obvs, Nene and Taz can’t stay angry at each other for too long otherwise there is no show

After a catch up over a coffee, Taz and his chamchas bwoyz turned up at the Food + Hospitality Luncheon. #jellabipalooza

Meanwhile, Nene was all like:

There was so much good food thatTaz was feeling magnanimous and sent this WhatsApp to Nene in between Tinder swipes:

Nene chuckled and remained quite philosophical about it all:

And the ALL TIME DOSTI was thus sealed.

COMING UP THIS SEASON ON REAL TRADE PUNDITS OF BANDRA:

Shit goes down at the I Hate Bollywood book launch.(TV execs – begin to salivate now..)

Nene can’t make it because she was too busy being fabulous in Hollywood.

But Taz does.

And so does Ko-Na. OH NO.

Oh shit. Over to Nene for a reaction.

True dat.

And then Taz puts in a call to his girl Nene. And next thing you know…

Wait, Nene tried to lock up KoNa! Da fuq??????

So what happened next? And what would Taz say when that suitcase turns out to be a Louis Vuitton trunk that he keeps box office records in??

Don’t miss REAL TRADE PUNDITS OF BANDRA – coming soon to a channel near you !!!!!

Fashion Update

This really should be the Fashion Quarterly as there was soooo much good stuff happening. So let’s dive right in!

Filmfare Awards

Madhuri Dixit Nene

                                                                                                                http://www.ibtimes.co.in

It has been a while – ok, not a while, maybe a moment in time, since Mads last wowed me but I really like this look on her. By no means revolutionary but stylish, effortless and accessorised by that 100-watt smile – what is not to like?

Tabu

                                                                               www.ibtimes.co.in

Those who know me in real life know how much of a sucker I am for sequins so Tabu’s dress had me at the car door. Yes, there are the odd tailoring issues here and there but for me, it is more about Tabu wearing the dress rather than the dress wearing her. I see Tabu first and then the dress which you can’t say for everyone.

If the awards were not enough, Filmfare decided to hold Glamour + Style Awards to satisfy advertisers celebrate beautiful women. With such amazing looks, we are not going to be silenced question this. However, I only had eyes for one lady:

Kareena Kapoor Khan in Cavalli

Oh Bebo, why don’t you do this all the time? Probably to teach us all a lesson lest we forget how faaaaabulous our Bebo is. This is slaying it in all directions and then some to spare.

And finally, if you are in India, boy did your news stand look awesome this month.

Aishwarya Rai Bachchan on Vogue India

http://www.fashiongonerouge.com

Holy moly, this is perfection – Ash stepping outta the comfort zone but you would never know it from all the amaze emanating from this cover. The best cover of the month across ALL editions IMO. Love love love!!!!!!!!!

Anushka Sharma on Filmfare

http://www.indicine.com

This feels more Femina than Filmfare to me but would catch my eye in any case as Anu gives some serious booch.

Lisa Haydon on Elle India

                                                                                               www.moviereviewpreview.com

Lisa Haydon is a goddess and always gives good cover so like me, you should have placed a cushion under your jaw when it hit the floor!

Kareena Kapoor Khan and Karan Johar on Harpers Bazaar India

                                                                                                                      http://www.indiatoday.com

Imagine having a top (now, now) director/producer/writer/actor/host etc hanging off you. Nerves? Someone tell that to Bebo who looks like she is obliging the stylist with a photo for his portfolio. LOVE.

Alia Bhatt on Cineblitz

                                                                                                           www.cineblitz.com

Again, this looks more like a fashion cover than filmi but I will take it – Alia looks gorgeous and I totally ignored all the articles as a result so #fail for the editor, #props to Alia for fantastic genes.

Films To Watch Out For Next Quarter

So no excuses, i will try and see all of these – thankfully, these look more promising than the previous quarter.

Detective Byomkesh Bakshy

This film had me as soon as I knew Dibkar Bannerjee was involved. Sushant looks good too.

Piku

Fab cast, great director – fingers crossed for this one! (Plus I love Deepika in road trip movies. Wish her and PC would do a road buddy movie together).

Bombay Velvet

Holy moly, would you look at the ambition on that trailer? LOVE. I’m in for this one all the way.

Tanu Weds Manu Returns

I thought I was the only one who really liked the first one and double Kangs makes this a must watch for me.

Dil Dhadkne Do

Could this be the summer motion picture event of the year? Already gaga for the styling alone, this heart be beating fast yo.

Hamari Adhuri Kahani + ABCD 2 

I couldn’t find an image for Hamari Adhuri Kahani but anything with Vidya means I’ll be there.

I also liked ABCD and with Varun and Shraddha both doing well, this has promise!

And that’s all for this quarter – let’s see what crazy comes about in Quarter 2 of 2015 – see you next time!

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