All images are courtesy of http://www.glamsham.com unless specified.
Third Quarter Report
Somewhere in Bombay, in a secret lair (maybe Taran Adarsh’s basement), is a glass box full of records listing the biggest box office hits in the history of Hindi cinema. Every so often, a film comes along that is an ALL TIME BLOCKBUSTER – literally, a record so big that all the other records get put onto a USB stick so that this record can hog the box – that is how amazing it is. But in this Third Quarter has come the equivalent of a blue moon – ALL RECORDS SHATTERED. This is when that formerly biggest record is taken out of the box, uploaded to the USB with the rest of the hoi polloi and then physically shattered by
Taran a henchman to make way for a new record. The name of the film which achieved this honour? Chennai Express.
Whilst mathematically it was inevitable (SRK [R1] + DPAD x 2013 [YOFDPAD]) that the film would do well, no one expected it to surpass the mighty 3 Idiots which had for the longest time seemed untouchable but like a,er, express train, CE gathered a momentum that was unstoppable and is currently an ALL RECORDS SHATTERED holder. But for how long is the question? Also on hand to spoil the party is Once Upon Ay Time In Mumbai Dobaara! (shattering all records for stupidest title ever) which alleged that the makers of CE cock blocked screens thus harming its own box office haul.
As the Tyra Banks- Naomi Campbell feud has taught us, one should never mess with another bitch’s money but more seriously, this is a Jab Tak Hai Jaan – Son Of Sardar flashback that quite simply is not needed. If both films are able to do well at the box office, then it is the makers and audiences (in that order) who stand to benefit and one hopes someone (not you Rajeev Masand) calls a round table and works out a way to fairly allocate screens for all releases. Maybe instead of hogging the money, build more screens? Just putting it out there. Otherwise at some point, a good film is going to get cock blocked and that is not going to benefit anyone (except the cock blocker but their karma will be significantly affected so losses all round).
Third Quarter Highlights
Lootera – Ever wondered how Ranveer Singh would act if administered horse tranquiliser throughout? Rather well actually. Beautifully shot, lovely soundtrack and Sonakshi Sinha’s career best performance – one of the top ten of the year so far. (Read my review here).
Bhaag Milkha Bhaag – A film crying out for a stringent edit, BMB’s problem was it had a quantity of quality but that quality was of a very high standard. Watch on DVD in parts or wait for that shorter international edit – your buttocks will thank you for it. (Read my review here).
Shuddh Desi Romance – Ever wondered how an interfering producer’s “input” is realised on screen? Ignore the brief weak parts, this is a fun film with something different to say and an enjoyable watch. (Read my review here).
Bullet Raja Points
– Ship of Theseus and The Lunchbox did not release in the UK. I will be watching the latter at the London Film Festival 2013 and hoping to acquire the former on DVD.
– I did get to see Bombay Talkies at the London Indian Film Festival 2013 and really liked it (review is here).
– Bullet Raja is actually releasing in the fourth quarter and not the third as reported in the second quarter report first time round. I apologise to anyone who had their hopes inadvertently raised.
Fashion Round Up (Andaz ki baat hai)
So the fashionista of the Third Quarter is NOT Deepika (because that would mean she would win at life and though I am a fan, I am not prepared to let anyone win at life till Fourth Quarter). The fashionista is the often overlooked but forever badass Kangana Ranut. Had she been a star daughter whose father was
fast food franchising making an Indian version of a popular US TV show, one would suspect the writer had been bought off in awarding her fashionista of the quarter (shut up, it is a bonafide plaudit). But dear reader, you don’t need to pay me to bleach my eyebrows to accent my Gucci when attending a senior director’s birthday as the picture above is inspiration enough. Thus K-Ran is our fashionista du jour.
Quietly rocking the more eclectic Vivienne Westwood, Alexander McQueen and Burberry pieces and taking risks (which don’t always pay off) Kangana’s refusal to kowtow to the sleek hair-body con-nude Loubs combo beloved of many starlets earns her major respect in my book. Plus I like that even if she does do the Bollywood Barbie, she makes it unique to her so that she still stands out.
Plus I still haven’t got over how brilliant she was in Fashion, especially at the start of the Mar Jawan song.
Plus she gives good magazine cover.
And I just realised eyebrows are also an international style statement a la Cara Delvigne which elevates K-Ran further. Go K-Ran!
I can’t ignore her because even though she has had a ALL TIME BLOCKBUSTER hit and ALL RECORDS SHATTERED hit back to back, the girl still looks nothing less than flawless at the numerous public appearances that she makes. By now, the rest of us would have put on a tracksuit and assaulted a box of cupcakes whilst watching our songs playing on the music channel and laughed at our Botoxed to the hilt non-rival but not DPad – girl is determined to remain picture perfect and more power to her for it. Love this very appropriate Marchesa dress on the recent September issue (most important issue in fashion world natch) Vogue India cover.
Another fashionista who gets criminally overlooked, Sam has not received her due on the fashion front (no pun intended). Yes, she gets it wrong sometimes but when it is in the name of creativity, one gets a hallway pass. Plus, this is a risque look but one I think deserves props if only for the gumption required to wear it. Go Sam!
Fourth Quarter – What To Watch Out For
Besharam – With no ex-girlfriend or director loverboy on hand, RK brings in Mum and Dad for support and I for one am excited to see what the results are. Plus this is Kashyap’s next offering after Dabangg – wisely turning down the sequel, fingers crossed for a shameless victory!
Krrrish 3 – I guess we will have to watch this as it releases on Diwali weekend and to ignore it would put our karma in the red before the New Year even kicks off. Duggu flares his nostril whilst sporting S+M goth wear, Vivek looks…deranged, PC dashes between recording studio + film studio whilst K-Ran is bad ass with a braid to match. You know what I will be watching for!
Ram Leela – DPad looking every inch the SLB heroine, Ranveer on intravenous drip of energy drinks and an item number from PC – I’ve only seen this trailer once and hope to avoid it till I catch the film. Go big or go back to your pimped out haveli.
Rajjo – Going to watch this for K-Ran’s and more National Awards than the Botox brigade could ever dream of.
Gori Tere Pyaar Mein – Apparently there is a male lead in this but I didn’t notice as Bebo is there and looking mighty fine. After giving her stink eye in a political context in Satyagraha, time to take the “look” to the village – bring on the eyeliner!
Bullet Raja – Unless it gets moved again (or not moved in the first place) I still want to see this if only for the Saif hair – open shirt combo (what happened to the buttons? Is Bullet slang for buttons? I need to know!!)
Dhoom 3 – Aamir padding about a penthouse in just a bowler hat and trousers staring down an urban landscape. SOLD! Plus the battle of Aamir vs Adi – who got their way in the end? Plus will Kat melt in the digital poster with all that heat?! Only one way to find out – SATYAMEV JAYATE! I mean, DHOOM MACHALE!!!!!!!
So that was a bountiful Third Quarter – not as nutritious as I would have liked but ALL RECORDS SHATTERED Y’ALL!!! Over to you Fourth Quarter!